'Survivor Series 2016' was headlined by Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar
Facebooktwitterpinteresttumblrmail

Survivor Series 2016 feels like a lifetime ago.

At this point, WWE shows with fans seem like a lifetime ago.

As much as the WWE of 2016 seems like it was eons ago, though? Not all that much has changed.

It’s a show dripping with talent and possibilities. But main evented by a pair of senior citizens, Goldberg and Brock Lesnar. And all kinds of interesting match ups and Raw vs. SmackDown intrigue that ultimately goes nowhere.

The more things change, the more they stay the same. That phrase is embodied by Survivor Series 2016.

Becky Lynch lays in a shot to Charlotte Flair at 'Survivor Series 2016'

5-On-5 Survivor Series Match: Team Raw (Bayley, Alicia Fox, Nia Jax, Sasha Banks, & Charlotte Flair) Vs. Team SmackDown (Becky Lynch, Naomi, Alexa Bliss, Carmella, & Nikki Bella)

Fox and Carmella start out with a lockup. The lockup becomes a shoving match, and Fox misses a dropkick by a mile, leading to a northern lights into a bridge for two. The Raw women argue and keep tagging themselves in. Team SmackDown wins up dragged into it, and this goes on for five years until Nia Jax kills everybody.

Well, thanks for being consistently stupid, WWE. Then, now, forever.

Everybody stalls for about nine hours. Becky gets a quick roll-up on Banks for two, and Banks counters with a backslide for a two-count. Charlotte tags herself in again, but this time Banks allows it. Becky takes her down with a couple of armdrags into an inverted armbar. Charlotte scores with a big knee lift to Becky’s face. She goes for a chop, but Becky counters with a back kick into the Disarm-Her, but Charlotte makes the ropes. Charlotte tags in Jax, who proceeds to go all Nyla Rose on Becky. Carmella tags in and immediately gets murdered by Jax. Alexa Bliss comes in and gets bounced like a basketball. Now we get Naomi, and Jax lays her out, too.

Finally Natalya comes in. Jax whips her into the ropes, and Carmella makes a blind tag. Jax clotheslines them both and yells and screams a lot. I mean, that’s what she does. Fox tags back in for no reason, and Carmella goes for another bronco buster. Fox dodges and smacks Carmella’s face into the turnbuckle. Headscissor kick from Fox eliminates Carmella.

Bliss comes in for SmackDown and immediately hits Twisted Bliss to eliminate Fox. Naomi  comes in and hits a jawbreaker on Charlotte. The Queen tags in Jax, but Naomi knocks her off the apron and hits her with a splash on the floor. But Jax  destroys her on the outside. Jax heads back in, and Naomi gets counted out. So the Survivor Series 2016 opener has every stupid finish known to man. Cool.

It’s Bliss and Banks now, with Raw up four women to three. Banks gets stuck in the SmackDown corner but fights out. Natalya goes for a kick, but Banks swats her away before propping Natalya and Bliss on the ropes. She goes for a double stomp on both but only gets Bliss. Inside, Banks goes for a suplex, but Natalya cradles her for two. Natalya goes for a vertical suplex, and Banks goes for the Backstabber. Bliss runs interference, and Natalya gets a roll-up to eliminate Banks.

She hits a German suplex on Charlotte, but the Queen heads up top for the moonsault. Natalya intercepts and hits a running (idly walking) liger bomb, but Jax breaks up the pin. Natalya hooks in the Sharpshooter, and Dana Brooke pulls Charlotte to the ropes. A big boot from Charlotte eliminates Natalya. Well, that was worth the stupid pre-match angle. Who was writing this crap? Hint: It rhymes with Mince VcMahon.

Becky comes in, and Bliss tags herself in. Jax goes for a double clothesline, so they try to double-team her, but Jax double suplexes them. Y’know, there was a time when they could’ve done something with Nia Jax. Jax lifts Bliss, but Becky hits a missile dropkick, but it only gets two. She locks the Disarm-Her, and Jax taps. Yeah, no, Nia Jax never had a chance. They do the classic “giant is a sore loser and beats people up on the way out.” It’s Charlotte and Bliss briefly before Charlotte eliminates Bliss.

Lynch is the sole SmackDown wrestler, and Charlotte stomps ye olde mudhole in the corner. Becky punches her way back up. She hits the Becksploder and goes up top and hits a flying legdrop, but Bayley just barely makes the save for Raw. Charlotte tags Bayley in, and the crowd goes kinda nuts. A staredown ensues, followed by a slugfest. Becky hits a pump handle Becksploder, but Bayley kicks out. A snap leg drop misses, and Bayley hits a sliding clothesline followed by a sliding elbow for two. Becky goes for the Disarm-Her, but Bayley escapes and hits a fisherman’s suplex. Lynch goes for the Disarm-Her again, but Bayley gets to the ropes. She hits Bayley-to-Belly to put Becky away and claim the win for Team Raw.

Charlotte attacks Bayley after the match. This was too all over the place to cohere into anything. Natalya’s substitution not playing a role in the finish renders it meaningless for Survivor Series 2016.

Winners: Team Raw

Match Rating:  **

The Miz defends his Intercontinental Championship against Sami Zayn at 'Survivor Series 2016'

Intercontinental Championship Match: The Miz (C, W/ Maryse) Vs. Sami Zayn

Oh, good. Mid-2010s Miz. This’ll save Survivor Series 2016. The Toronto crowd is way behind Sami. WWE of course parlayed this reaction into a long and lucrative push for Zayn and – I’m just kidding. We all know how things went for Sami.

They trade armdrags and armlocks to start. Sami gets an early one-count, and Miz stalls. Another armdrag into an armbar for Sami gets the challenger another one-count. Short running knee from Sami sends Miz out to the floor. Sami teases a tope, but Miz stalls again. They fight on the outside, and Miz mocks the crowd’s soccer chant. Miz tries to throw Sami into the barricade, but Sami lands on his feet and scores with a moonsault. Maryse runs interference, and Miz runs up with a chopblock and throws Sami back inside.

The champ heads up top and hits a double ax handle and goes after Sami’s leg. Miz works the leg in the corner, but Sami returns fire with a big chop. Sami goes for Ye Olde 10 Punches In Ye Corner, but Miz counters with a Greco-Roman nutshot. Miz locks up Sami’s calves and mocks the “Yes Chant.” Oh yeah, they were feuding. On a talk show. Because WWE. Thanks, Survivor Series 2016!

Back to the outside, Miz rams Sami’s leg into the ringpost. Miz throws the challenger back inside and kicks him in the back of the neck for two. The champ goes for the figure four, but Sami fights it off. A slugfest ensues, but Miz chops him down with a kick to the leg. Sami comes back to life with a huge clothesline that sends Miz to the mat. The challenger clotheslines Miz over the top and follows up with a moonsault over the top rope. He throws Miz back inside, and Miz goes for the figure four again, but Sami counters with a Michinoku Driver for two.

Miz dodges a sidewalk slam and goes for the figure four again, but Sami gets an inside cradle for two. The champ hits a DDT, but it only gets two. Miz goes for the Daniel Bryan running dropkicks in the corner and hits three, followed by a running forearm. He goes for another ax handle, but Sami catches him with a blue thunder bomb for two. Sami runs for the Helluva Kick, but he runs out of juice because of the bad leg. Miz slips under the ropes and hits a jawbreaker. Miz goes for the Skull-Crushing Finale, but Sami evades and hits an exploder suplex. He goes for the Helluva Kick again, but Miz evades and locks in the figure four.

Sami reaches for the ropes, but Miz pulls him back to the center. The challenger turns it over. Miz rolls through, but Sami gets the ropes to break. Yes Kicks from Miz follow, but Sami locks in an awful-looking figure four. Maryse rings the bell, and like an idiot Sami thinks he’s won and lets go. Miz gets a roll-up to pin and retain at Survivor Series 2016.

Well, of all the finishes I’ve seen, that was certainly one of them. It was dumb and made Sami look like an imbecile. This was boring, but it was relatively inoffensive. Until the dumb finish.

Winner: The Miz

Match Rating:  ** 1/2

Meanwhile!

Backstage at Survivor Series 2016, can AJ Styles and Dean Ambrose coexist? Considering their pending WWE Championship match at TLC 2016?

Thankfully, Shane McMahon is there to break it up and get everyone on the same page.

This is what sucks about this Raw vs. SmackDown stuff. It has a shelf-life of a minute-and-a-half. So if you try to watch it, say, four years later, it doesn’t make sense unless they literally stop the show and explain it.

That’s bad storytelling, and easily corrected. Also, after seeing a year of Jon Moxley in AEW, you can see just how miserable Ambrose is doing this Mickey Mouse crap.

Why am I watching this?

New Day rocks Breezango at 'Survivor Series 2016'

Tag Team 10-on-10 Survivor Series Match: Team Raw (Enzo & Cass, Primo & Epico, Gallows & Anderson, Sheamus & Cesaro, And New Day) Vs. Team SmackDown (Rhyno & Heath Slater, Breezango, The Usos, Hype Bros, And American Alpha)

Enzo and Cass make a Tim Horton’s reference for the Canadian crowd. Well, at least they like good coffee. Also, remember Enzo and Cass? New Day has to get their promo in, too, so it takes fifteen years before anybody actually wrestles. Hey, it’s American Alpha! I knew I was forgetting somebody in my list of failed NXT call-ups.

Fandango and Big E start. Everybody on both teams get fashion violations. With the referee distracted by the citations, Kofi Kingston sneaks in and assists Big E with a powerslam to eliminate Breezango. But CRUEL IRONY, Jimmy Uso nails a superkick and eliminates New Day. Surprises abound at Survivor Series 2016.

Epico and Jimmy go at it, with Jimmy getting a killer forearm before tagging in Zack Ryder. The Hype Bros work over Epico. Rawley’s in now with a god-awful shoulder tackle, but Epico kicks out. Primo tags in, and they double team Rawler with a double DDT. Gallows comes in for Raw and tags in Anderson. Rawley gets a crossbody and immediately tags in Ryder. Anderson charges and runs into Ryder’s knee, followed by a missile dropkick. Wrecking ball dropkick from Ryder wipes out the Club on the outside. Gallows comes back in, and they hit the Magic Killer to eliminate the Hype Bros.

American Alpha come in for SmackDown and work over Gallows. But Gallows turns it around and punishes Gable in the Raw corner. Sheamus tags in for Raw and puts the boots to Gable. Primo tags himself in before tagging in Epico, and they double team Gable. Slingshot gets two for Epico.  Gable fights out of a rear chinlock but eats a belly-to-back followed by a German suplex into a standing suplex. It only gets two. Primo comes back in and hits a double ax-handle. They charge Gable, but Gable dodges, and Jason Jordan comes in. Alpha sets Primo up, and they hit the avalanche bulldog to eliminate Primo & Epico.

Tied at three teams each, and all 12 guys stare each other down. A Pier Six ensues, leaving Rhyno & Slater and Enzo & Cass in the ring. Cass chucks Enzo at everyone on the floor before hitting the big boot sending Rhyno and himself out of the ring. Slater heads up top and splashes the entirety of Team Raw. American Alpha see a chance to get in on the shenanigans, but Sheamus murders Gable, only for Cesaro to rush in and go for the spin on Jordan. A really cool reversal between Gable and Cesaro ends with a German suplex on Cesaro. Gable hits a wicked plancha on the people on the floor before Gallows and Anderson come in and murder Jordan with the Magic Killer. American Alpha is eliminated.

Slater tries to fight off Gallows and Anderson by himself, hitting a knee lift before eating a spinebuster from Anderson. Sheamus tags in and works over Slater but denies Cesaro a tag. Slater gets back into the fight and dodges a running Sheamus. Gallows tags himself in and commences to murdering Slater with elbow drops. He accidentally knocks Enzo off the apron, and Slater tags in Rhyno. The Gore puts Gallows away and eliminates Gallows and Anderson.

Cass throws Enzo onto Rhyno, and Enzo picks up the pinfall. The Usos run back in. Jimmy puts Enzo down with a superkick followed by a Samoan splash from Jay to put Enzo and Cass away.

Down to Sheamus & Cesaro and the Usos. Sheamus throws Jay over the top and hits the 10 clubbing forearms before hitting a rolling fireman’s carry. He misses the Brogue Kick, and Jay hits an enziguri. Jimmy tags in and they hit a double superkick, but Sheamus hits a Brogue Kick off interference from Cesaro. Sheamus clotheslines Jay over the top before perching Jimmy on the top turnbuckle. A top rope slam from Sheamus follows, but Jay makes a blind tag and hits a splash. Cesaro runs in to break up the pin. The Swiss Superman reaches out for the tag, and Sheamus obliges. European uppercut party follows until Jay counters with one of his own. Cesaro hits the springboard crusher before dropkicking Jimmy off the top turnbuckle.

Cesaro hits a 619, and I literally lose track of everything he’s doing. Because Cesaro is awesome. A diving crossbody gets a two-count for Cesaro. He signals for the swing and goes for the Sharpshooter, but Jimmy kicks him from behind. Jay hooks in the Tequila Sunrise, but Cesaro powers out and reverses into the Sharpshooter. Jimmy runs in to make the save, but Sheamus intercepts with a Brogue Kick, and Jay taps out.

That started out as a complete mess but ended up being pretty great. Nice to finally have a good match from Survivor Series 2016.

Winners: Sheamus & Cesaro

Match Rating:  *** 1/2

Also Meanwhile!

Backstage, Stephanie McMahon and Mick Foley recap what’s happened so far. And they preview the rest of the card.

They reward Sheamus and Cesaro for picking up the win with a tag title shot the next night on Raw.

Seriously, I’m already watching the show. I know what the Survivor Series 2016 card is.

Why am I watching this?

The Brian Kendrick goes after Kalisto at 'Survivor Series 2016'

Cruiserweight Championship – The Brian Kendrick (C) Vs. Kalisto

Thanks for reminding me how WWE screwed up Brian Kendrick againSurvivor Series 2016.

Stipulation here, Kendrick (wrestling for Raw) has to win, or the entire Cruiserweight division moves to SmackDown. I don’t remember giving a crap in 2016, and I don’t give a crap now. Also, 205 Live was a thing at the time. So why would either brand own the division? And why would either brand care if another brand took it? This is stupid.

Kendrick is wearing the shiniest pants in all the land at Survivor Series 2016. The bell rings, and the crowd just absolutely dies. Kalisto charges, but Kendrick dodges to the outside. And Kalisto follows with a tope. Back inside, a springboard crossbody gets two for Kalisto. Springboard tornado by Kalisto gets another two-count for the challenger. Kendrick hits a wicked crossbody followed by a gutwrench suplex for two. The champion goes for sliced bread, and the challenger counters with a selina del sol attempt. They trade roll-ups and cradles.

The champion buys himself a second with a back elbow, but Kalisto counters with a headscissors takeover followed by a dropkick. Kendrick hangs onto the rope and whips Kalisto’s head into the turnbuckle. Ouch. Kendrick pins Kalisto’s head between the ringpost and the steel steps and stomps the steps. Strongly.

A snap suplex gets two for Kendrick. I would think sandwiching his head between really thick pieces of steel should’ve done the job. Kendrick cinches in a headlock, but Kalisto fights his way up. He hits an armdrag takeover, but Kendrick hangs onto the hold. Kalisto hits the armdrag again to break, and the challenger lays in the kicks. But Kendrick uses Kalisto’s own arm for leverage and hits a springboard kick. Kalisto comes back with a dropkick between the ropes to put Kendrick down on the floor. They fight on the apron, and Kalisto drives Kendrick into the post. An Kalisto hits freakin’ SPANISH FLY OFF THE APRON. Mamma mia, indeed.

Back inside, Kalisto goes for the pin, but Kendrick kicks out. The champion slides out of the ring to start the 10-count, but Kalisto hits a tope suicida. Kendrick drives Kalisto’s back into the apron, but Kalisto manages to roll Kendrick back inside. The challenger heads to the top turnbuckle, but Kendrick crotches him. Kendrick climbs up and spikes the challenger down to the mat, right into the Captain’s Hook. Kalisto makes the rope and forces the break. The champion hits a running double ax handle. He charges at Kalisto but eats boot, and hits a cartwheel piledriver into a headscissors driver. The challenger hits selina del sol, but Kendrick gets a foot on the rope.

Kalisto goes up top again, but Baron Corbin runs in and attacks both guys. Kendrick wins by disqualification. Baron Corbin ruining everything: Then, now, forever.

The pacing for this match was horribly uneven. There were some great spots, but ultimately this Survivor Series 2016 match fell flat. Still. That Spanish Fly, though.

Winner (by DQ):  Brian Kendrick

Match Rating:  ** 1/2

Team Raw stares down Team SmackDown at 'Survivor Series 2016'

5-on-5 Survivor Series Match: Team Raw (Roman Reigns, Kevin Owens, Chris Jericho, Seth Rollins, & Braun Strowman) Vs. Team SmackDown (AJ Styles, Dean Ambrose, Randy Orton, Bray Wyatt, & Shane McMahon)

Okay, so the people of Toronto really hate Roman Reigns. I know, this changes everything about Survivor Series 2016.

Universal Champion Kevin Owens and WWE Champ AJ Styles shove their ugly belts in each others’ faces. That’s fun. Styles and KO start out. How did we never get this as a main event?

They trade chinlocks and armlocks. Styles misses a dropkick before KO misses a senton. A slugfest follows, and KO goes for the Pop-Up Powerbomb. Styles dodges an misses the Pele kick. AJ goes for the Styles Clash, but KO evades. Jericho tags in, and they hug it out before KO goes to the apron. Add Best Friends to the list of stuff that Jericho invented. Jericho puts Styles down with a shoulder tackle, but Styles scores with a dropkick. Team Raw argues, as Rollins laughs at Jericho getting taken down. Jericho tags in Rollins, and Styles tags in Ambrose. Did you guys know THEY WERE IN THE SHIELD?!

Both guys trade waistlocks and chinlocks. Ambrose scores with a shoulder tackle and goes for Dirty Deeds, but Rollins evades and goes for the Pedigree. Not-Moxley evades, and Jericho tags himself in. And now it’s Not-Judas and Not-Moxley, and Ambrose stomps the mudhole. Jericho fights out of the corner with chops, but Ambrose takes over with a pair of armdrags. Y2J goes for the Walls, but Ambrose evades only to eat an enziguri. Jericho goes for the pin and gets a one-count. Ambrose pushes Jericho into the corner and slugs away.

Shane tags in and smacks Jericho around with his goofy boxing stuff before hitting a crossbody. He puts in a pair of armdrags, but Jericho gets a leg up out of the corner. Jericho hits a dropkick and tags Rollins in. Rollins hits a suplex, but it only gets two. Roman tags in, and the Survivor Series 2016 is less than pleased. He headbutts Shane, who begs off in the corner only to take clubbing forearms. This crowd is literally booing Roman’s every move. I love Toronto. Rollins tags in again. Roman holds him up, and Rollins hits a punch off the top rope followed by a snapmare into a chinlock.

Little Mac fights out and tags in Amrbrose. Rollins tags in KO, and Ambrose takes Owens down with a forearm. But KO counters with a forearm of his own. He sets Ambrose up for the cannonball, but Ambrose pushes Owens to the outside and hits the running dive. Back inside, Ambrose goes up top but KO evades and hits a superkick. Ambrose goes for Dirty Deeds, but Jericho runs in to break it up. Strowman tags himself in, and all 10 guys are in the ring. It’s a Pier Six Donnybrook, and bodies are flying everywhere.

Ambrose launches himself at Strowman on the outside, but Strowman catches him and carries him around. Styles jumps over the top rope at Strowman to free Ambrose. KO heads up top and hits the rolling senton and piles everyone up on the floor. Now Shane climbs up top, but Strowman intercepts and throws him to the mat. Ambrose and Styles make the save. They double-team Strowman, and Shane clotheslines him over the top. Roman runs in to attack Styles while Rollins comes after Ambrose. Styles hits the Pele to knock Roman over the top.

And because they’re idiots, Styles and Ambrose waste time shoving each other. Shane tries to make peace, but Ambrose tackles Styles and lays in punches. AJ hits Ambrose wit a forearm from behind, allowing Strowman to hit the running powerslam to eliminate Ambrose.

Strowman goes to town on Shane. Styles goes for the Phenomenal Forearm, but Strowman throws him to the outside. Orton runs in and goes for an RKO but Strowman brushes him aside. How did WWE screw up this badly with Strowman? Bray Wyatt comes in and stares down Strowman. Jericho tries to talk sense to Strowman, so Strowman throws him down before tackling Wyatt in the corner. He dropkicks Wyatt out of the ring before beating him up on the outside. But Orton hits the RKO OUT OF NOWHERE to Strowman on the table.

Wyatt and Orton lay Strowman out on the table, and Shane hits the elbow off the top. Roman and Rollins run in to attack Wyatt and Orton. Styles throws Shane back into the ring, but SmackDown mascot James Ellsworth holds onto Strowman’s foot from under the ring, an Strowman gets counted out. Braun isn’t happy, and he chases Ellsworth onto the ramp and throws him off the stage. Again, how did WWE screw Strowman up this bad? Dude was over like Rover at Survivor Series 2016.

KO softens Little Mac up, and Jericho gets a Codebreaker on Shane. But he kicks out at two. Rollins comes in for Raw and puts the boots to Shane before whipping him into the Raw corner. Jericho tags back in and heads to the top. He goes for a splash, but Shane rolls out of the way. Both guys are down. Shane tags in Styles, and AJ runs roughshod over Jericho. Fireman’s carry into a backbreaker gets two for Styles.

Styles goes for the Styles Clash, but Jericho blocks it. Jericho goes for the Walls, but Styles reverses into the Calf Crusher in the middle. Y2J puts Styles’s head into the mat a couple times and goes for the Walls again, but Styles rolls him up for two. He goes for the Styles Clash again, but KO runs in an beats Styles with the List of Jericho followed by the Pop-Up Powerbomb. That draws a DQ, and KO is eliminated.

The List is torn asunder, and Jericho is inconsolable. Orton takes advantage and hits the RKO to eliminate Jericho. Raw is down to just Rollins and Roman at Survivor Series 2016.

They slug it out, but Orton scores with a powerslam for two. Orton carries Rollins over to the SmackDown corner and tags in Wyatt. I’m sure these two will have a classic match someday. Orton tags back in, and they double-team Rollins. Randy props Rollins up on the top turnbuckle and hits a superplex. Roman and Styles tag in, and Roman cleans house. The Toronto crowd does not love it. Roman hits a Samoan drop and goes for a Niagra driver, but Styles kicks out. He calls for the Superman punch, but Styles counters with an enziguri before tagging in Shane.

Shane hits a swinging DDT, but Rollins comes in for the save. But Shane fights him off and hits a spinebuster to send Rollins out of the ring. Roman goes for the spear, but Shane uses Roman’s momentum to send him into the post. Shane goes up top for the Coast-to-Coast, but Roman spears him out of the air. The referee starts to count, but stops when he notices Shane is pretty much dead. He declares Shane unable to compete, so Shane is eliminated. Pretty sure that was real. While the doctors are checking on Shane, the fight continues on the outside.

The SmackDown guys gang up on Roman and Rollins. Wyatt hits a senton for a quick two-count on Roman. But Roman fights back, coming out of the corner and taking Wyatt out with a clothesline. Styles and Rollins are in now, and Rollins hits a blockbuster followed by a flying knee. Rollins dives at Wyatt on the outside. Back inside, Rollins props Styles on the turnbuckle, but Styles ducks underneath. Styles on the turnbuckle now, but Rollins catches him with an enziguri. Rollins rushes to the top and hits a superplex followed by a Falcon Arrow, but Orton breaks up the pin. Orton goes for the draping DDT on the floor, but Roman makes the save. Roman and Rollins beat down Orton. They try to powerbomb Orton through the announce table, but AJ breaks it up.

So Ambrose runs out to attack Styles. Security drags Ambrose out, but Roman and Rollins fight off the guards. A mini-Shield reunion follows, and Styles gets triple-powerbombed through the table. Rollins pins Styles, and now it’s 2-on-2. But Luke Harper comes out from under the ring and attacks Roman. Rollins fights off Wyatt with a sling blade and dives at Harper. Wyatt tries to roll Rollins up and eats a superkick. Rollins goes up top or an Eddie Guerrero frog splash, but Orton hits the RKO on the way down. Wyatt makes the pin to eliminate Ambrose.

It’s Roman vs. the Wyatt Family now, and Toronto is 100% on the heels’ side. Everybody fights on the floor. Roman gets the drive-by on Wyatt and throws him in the ring. Harper runs interference and eats a spear. Back in the ring, Wyatt goes for Sister Abigail. Roman fights out and hits a Superman punch. He goes for a spear, but Orton takes the hit for Wyatt, allowing Wyatt to hit Sister Abigail to eliminate Roman and give SmackDown the win.

This could’ve stood to lose about 10 minutes, but it was pretty good. Organized chaos, as any good gimmick match should be. Unfortunately, Survivor Series 2016 led to superimposed bugs and worms at WrestleMania 33 when Orton and Wyatt faced off.

Eh. You win some, you lose some.

Winners: Team SmackDown

Match Rating:  **** 1/4

Goldberg returned after 12 years at 'Survivor Series 2016'

Goldberg Vs. Brock Lesnar

And now the battle of the elderly! Seriously, this is the main event of Survivor Series 2016.

Brock tries to take Goldberg down. Goldberg evades and hits the spear. Then he hits the Jackhammer. And the match is over in a little under 90 seconds.

No, seriously, that was it. And really, that’s the only way to book Goldberg. Don’t give him time to show his weaknesses. And don’t give him time to seriously injure anyone. Or himself.

This should’ve been it, but Goldberg hung around a few months past Survivor Series 2016.

Winner: Goldberg

Match Rating:  *

The Breakdown

Survivor Series 2016 ran three-and-a-half hours. It had a killer 5-on-5 men’s Survivor Series match. And a decent enough 10-on-10 tag team Survivor Series match.

But this show sucks.

If you’re gonna pull it up on the WWE Network, watch those two matches. And skip absolutely everything else.

Survivor Series 2016 airs tonight on FS1 at 7 PM/ET. The show can be streamed at any time on WWE Network.

All images courtesy of WWE.

Facebooktwitterpinteresttumblrmail